Heartbreak

Ty is doing great!  I'm just so sad for some of our 'cancer buddies' today who thought they were clear and cancer free only to find out they are yet again fighting, one of them fighting A.L.L. for the third time.  I am heartbroken for them.
I am speaking at a Relief Society function tonight about our experiences with Ty and so a lot is fresh on my mind as I think about these sweet little kids who yet again have to suffer so much and who's parents hearts are breaking.  I never realized how blessed I am to have a dad who taught me about suffering long before I experienced Ty's diagnosis while my hubby was in Iraq. I feel guilty that everyone didn't have that and I feel like I should share with you what he taught me.
 He said two things that have always stuck with me and have come into my mind when I am at my lowest: "Pain comes, Misery is optional" and never ask the Lord "why" always ask "what now".  The 'why' is already answered, cause we are on the earth to suffer, to be tested, and to still find the joy. We are taught about Jesus in a way that is too simple, His atonement reaches much farther than the ability to repent when you steal a candy bar.  He suffered ALL that I and those sweet children suffer, He knows my pain personally.  He won't take away our pain and suffering, but if we are willing to get on our knees and ask He will take from us anything that we can't handle.  I try to keep control of things and beg and beg the Lord to keep my husband alive when he's at war and beg and beg to keep Tyson alive and make him not relapse, but I learn over and over again that I can't really pray for that, I have to give that up and say in my prayers please give me the peace I need and help us be okay no matter what happens.  Cause in reality husbands and daddys do die at war, children do die of cancer and suffer so so much and it is a part of life. It makes me think of the widow who had to travel on foot with her five kids and buried each one of them on her journey and stayed faithful, of my friend who  just had her 12th (I think) miscarriage and almost died of it while her husband is layed off and her 7 kids have had all sorts of serious medical problems including one who almost died because a girl at school was mad at her and slammed her head in a metal door, she feels broken and spent and yet she remains faithful, of Joseph Smith when they poured hot tar on him and his babies died from exposure, and he spent many days in a dark cold jail missing his family so much and when he cried out to the Lord, the Lord replied in D&C 122 verses 5-9:

"5 If thou art called to pass through ^atribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in ^bperils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

6 If thou art ^aaccused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to ^bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like ^cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee ^eexperience, and shall be for thy good. 

8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

9 Therefore, ^ahold on thy way, and the priesthood shall ^bremain with thee; for their ^cbounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy ^ddays are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, ^efear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

 

 When we suffer without getting on our knees we suffer more than we can bear.  God knows you personally, loves you, and ALWAYS wants you to turn to him no matter how angry, unbelieving, sad, broken, or even how happy you are.  Going to church is nice and important but it cannot save you, the gospel of Jesus Christ happens inside you, in your heart.  I can do hard things, but I need Jesus to get through them.  If I turn to God I can handle anything this world throws at me. The End.